I want to trust my reality and my choices again.
Somewhere along the way, someone else’s voice became louder than your own, telling you what you felt, what you deserved, what was true. That makes sense after what happened, and I can help you trust your own voice again.
I stopped trusting my own voice.
You might not have called it abuse while it was happening. It may have looked like devotion, or high standards, or someone who loved you enough to tell you the truth about yourself. Over time you learned to check with them, or with the voice they left behind, before trusting your own read on a situation. That pattern does not always end when the relationship does, and it does not always stay with just one person either.
That is not you being naive. That is what happens when someone teaches you, patiently and repeatedly, that your version of things comes second.
In session, I want to help you hear which voice is yours, whether this started with a parent, a partner, or someone else who had real influence over how you saw yourself. We can look at why the pattern has been hard to name, why it may have shown up more than once, and what it would take to trust your own perception without needing someone else to confirm it first.
This may fit if some of this sounds familiar:
I am more interested in the pattern than the story.
In session, I want to understand what happened and how you adapted to survive it. From there, I shape our sessions around what helps you feel safe enough to stay present, make sense of your reactions, and get to what still feels current. Throughout, you stay involved in decisions about pace, focus, and which approaches we use.
That can look like:
A free consultation is where we begin. We’ll talk about what you’re carrying, what you’ve tried, and whether the way I work feels like the right fit. No pressure. Just an honest conversation.
Work With a Narcissistic Abuse Therapist in Virginia
You do not have to earn the right to trust yourself.
I’m Micah Fleitman, a licensed professional counselor, and I want to understand you as a whole person, not only the relationship that brought you in. That means paying attention to how what happened has shown up in your emotions, your body, your other relationships, and the way you see yourself. I explain what we are doing as we go, so you are choosing this with me, not just following along.
What I offer:
I draw from more than one approach for a reason.
You might notice this shows up in your memory, in what you believe about yourself, in your body, in how you relate to people now. I do not expect one method to reach all of that, so I draw from several approaches and adjust as we go, based on what you need in a given week.
Some memories still catch you off guard: a tone of voice, a certain kind of silence, and suddenly you are back in it. EMDR gives us a way to work with those memories directly, at a pace that keeps you connected to the fact that you are safe right now while your brain makes new sense of what happened then.
In practice, that can include:
You might expect the same criticism or withdrawal here that you learned to expect somewhere else, even when nothing has happened yet. Relational psychodynamic therapy gives us a way to notice that expectation as it shows up between us, and to practice a relationship where disagreement does not have to mean danger.
We may spend time:
You may be carrying a belief like I cannot trust myself, or everything is my fault, and it can feel less like an opinion and more like a fact. Trauma-Focused CBT gives us a way to look at where that belief came from and build something more accurate, and more fair to you.
Sessions may include:
Part of you might want to protect yourself completely from ever being in that position again, while another part still misses the good moments and wonders if you overreacted. Internal Family Systems gives us a respectful way to get curious about both of those parts instead of deciding one of them is wrong.
That tends to include:
Your body may brace before you even register what set it off, something like a tightening in your chest, a held breath, or an urge to apologize before anyone has asked you to. Somatic therapy gives us a way to pay attention to those reactions instead of overriding them, so you can start to feel the difference between an old alarm and what is happening now.
This often looks like:
Some reactions happen faster than you can think your way through them. You know the pattern and still cannot interrupt it in the moment it is happening. Clinical hypnosis offers another way into those automatic reactions, using a calm, focused state where you stay in control and able to communicate the whole time.
This can involve:
Some of this may still be shaping choices you make every day, even ones that seem to have nothing to do with what happened.
You might keep a running account in your head of everything that happened, replaying it to make sure your version still holds up. That is not overthinking. It is what happens when your read on reality got argued with often enough that you stopped trusting it on your own. In session, we can look at what you know, notice when doubt gets activated, and make room for your perceptions without needing to build a case first.
You may already know, intellectually, that they chose how they treated you, and still feel like you handed them the ammunition. The self-criticism you learned long before this relationship may have made you an easier target, not because anything about you was wrong, but because you were already primed to believe the worst about yourself. We can separate accountability from blame and build a fairer sense of your role.
You might notice yourself freezing, going numb, losing time, or staying keyed up long after an unpredictable interaction is over. Those responses got you through something. They do not have to run the show forever. We can understand what sets them off, build ways to stay connected to the present, and work with what comes up without treating a protective response as a personal failure.
You might notice yourself watching their expression before you know your own, or explaining a decision three times because once never felt like enough. We can look at where you learned that closeness required managing someone else’s reaction first, and practice a version of connection where your voice does not have to come last.
You can grieve a relationship even when leaving was necessary. The loss may include the person, the future you expected, and the hope that things would become different. Online grief and loss therapy can support you in naming those losses without using grief as evidence that you should return or that the harm did not matter.
Some languages can help you make sense of a relationship that felt confusing or contradictory while you were in it.
This is rarely one bad moment you can point to. It is usually a pattern that reaches into your reality, your choices, your access to support, your sense of worth. You may notice:
Naming the harm does not automatically make the attachment disappear. The relationship may have mixed fear with relief, criticism with affection, rejection with the moments that pulled you back in. You may be carrying:
What is happening now can activate something much older. In childhood trauma therapy, we may look at how early experiences taught you to earn closeness, manage other people’s emotions, or disconnect from your own needs. None of that means you caused the abuse. Understanding it can help explain why certain roles feel so familiar and so hard to walk away from.
Rebuilding self-trust does not mean you never feel uncertain again or never make a mistake. For you, it might look like:
In our first session, I want to understand you as a whole person and figure out together what would be useful.
By the end of the conversation, we can have a clearer picture of what you want help with, what needs attention first, and how we might proceed in a way that supports safety, trust, and choice.
Narcissistic abuse is a repeated pattern of emotional control that can undermine your trust in your own perceptions, needs, and choices. It may involve manipulation, gaslighting, blame, criticism, intimidation, isolation, or affection that is offered and withdrawn to influence your behavior.
The label describes the pattern and its impact. You do not need to diagnose the other person with narcissistic personality disorder to take harmful behavior seriously or seek support for what you experienced.
Signs often appear as a pattern rather than one isolated conflict. You may notice that the relationship repeatedly leaves you confused, afraid to disagree, or responsible for repairing problems you did not create.
The effects of narcissistic abuse can continue after contact ends. You might struggle with self-worth, confusion, shame, grief, emotional numbness, low self-esteem, or difficulty making decisions. Relationships may feel harder because your mind and body have learned to watch closely for criticism, withdrawal, or control.
These reactions are not proof that you are weak or permanently changed. They can be understood as ways you adapted to an emotionally unsafe pattern, and they can loosen over time with support.
Prolonged emotional unpredictability can train your nervous system to stay ready for threat. You may become intensely alert, freeze during conflict, appease quickly, shut down, feel detached, or react strongly to reminders of the relationship even when you know you are safe now.
Therapy can help you notice these responses without shame, identify what activates them, and build more choice in how you respond, rather than trying to force your body to calm down on command.
Yes, some people develop PTSD or complex trauma symptoms after prolonged emotional abuse. Possible experiences include intrusive memories, avoidance, nightmares, shame, emotional flashbacks, hypervigilance, dissociation, and changes in how you see yourself or relationships. Only a qualified mental health professional can assess whether your experiences meet criteria for a diagnosis.
Whether or not a particular diagnosis fits, I can still work with what is happening for you: building safety, understanding your protective reactions, processing what still feels current at a pace you can manage, and helping you trust your own choices again.
Recovery can be difficult because the relationship may have mixed fear with closeness, criticism with affection, and harm with periods of hope. Gaslighting can also leave you unsure whether you are allowed to name the experience as abuse. If you depended on the person emotionally, practically, financially, or socially, separating from the pattern may involve real losses as well as relief.
It can take time to understand what happened, grieve what you wanted the relationship to become, and practice choices that no longer revolve around the other person’s response.
Healing from narcissistic abuse often begins with safety, clear information, and relationships where your experience is not argued away. You can learn to recognize harmful patterns, understand your protective reactions, grieve what was lost, and rebuild confidence through small decisions that reflect your own needs and values.
I can help you examine beliefs shaped by blame and criticism, reconnect with your emotional and physical signals, and practice boundaries without treating guilt as proof that you are wrong. People sometimes describe this as rewiring the brain, but in practice it looks like repeated experience: noticing old expectations, testing new responses, and letting self-trust grow over time.
Breaking the cycle starts with recognizing the pattern and deciding what is within your control. That may include documenting interactions for your own clarity, reconnecting with trusted support, limiting what you explain or defend, setting boundaries, or making a safety plan when leaving could increase risk.
The next step is not identical for everyone. Therapy can help you understand what draws you back into the cycle, prepare for guilt or pressure after a limit is set, and choose actions that fit your circumstances. If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services or a domestic violence resource in your area.
The grey rock method is a communication strategy that aims to make interactions brief, neutral, and uninteresting when engagement tends to fuel manipulation or conflict. It usually means sharing little personal information, avoiding lengthy arguments, and responding only to what is necessary.
This strategy is not appropriate or safe in every situation. A controlling person may escalate when they feel they are losing influence. Consider your safety, legal obligations, shared parenting responsibilities, and access to support before changing how you respond. A therapist or domestic violence advocate can help you think through the risks without directing you into one fixed approach.
Look for a licensed therapist with experience in emotional abuse, trauma, dissociation, attachment, domestic violence, and relationship patterns. Ask how the therapist approaches safety and pacing, how they respond when someone doubts their own reality, and which methods they are trained to use.
I’m a licensed professional counselor who specializes in trauma and dissociation, and I provide online individual therapy to adults in Virginia. Fully Human Therapy offers online therapy only.
Therapy begins with understanding what is affecting you now, what you want to change, and what would help you feel enough control to participate honestly. You do not have to tell the whole story at once. You and your therapist can decide what needs attention first and how quickly to approach painful material.
Sessions may include identifying patterns, working with body and emotional reactions, examining beliefs shaped by the abuse, processing specific memories, and practicing boundaries or communication. The exact mix depends on your needs and how you respond.
There is no reliable universal timeline. The length of recovery can be influenced by how long the pattern lasted, whether contact is ongoing, your current safety, earlier trauma, practical stress, available support, and what you want from therapy. Progress is rarely a straight line, and a difficult week does not erase earlier change.
Rather than promising a deadline, therapy can help you identify specific markers to track, such as fewer episodes of intense self-doubt, greater ability to stay present during conflict, clearer boundaries, or more confidence in everyday decisions.
You may notice that you recover more quickly after a trigger, need less reassurance before making a decision, or recognize manipulation without feeling compelled to prove your interpretation. You may also tolerate another person’s disappointment more easily, reconnect with supportive relationships, and make room for preferences that once felt dangerous to express.
People sometimes describe four stages of healing: recognizing the pattern, creating safety, processing what happened, and rebuilding life around their own values. Real change is usually less orderly. You may return to an earlier task as circumstances change, and that does not mean you have failed.
Fully Human Therapy offers online individual therapy to adults who are physically located in Virginia during the session. Sessions should take place somewhere private, with reliable internet and both audio and video available. Online care is available across Virginia, including Arlington, Alexandria, Richmond, Norfolk, Virginia Beach, Roanoke, and other communities.
In-person therapy is not offered. You can schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation to discuss what you are looking for and whether online therapy with Micah feels like a workable fit.
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